Retrospect
by MoriahT
Summary: My little oneshot about Lee's, and the team's thoughts on the situation. Contains spoilers for "Dagger" My first attempt at first person, please R&R and let me know how I did, or If I'm better w/ 3rd.


**Disclaimer: I don't own NCIS, or any of the characters used in this fic-let.**

**Title: "Retrospect"**

**A/N: I'm trying something new here, b/c I don't usually write in first person, so let me know how I do, pretty please…**

***** This CONTAINS SPOILERS for "Dagger", which was a great episode! I think that Amanda's aunt shouldn't take her, Tony and Ziva should get married and adopt her, lol. *****

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Tony's POV

I can't believe it. How am I supposed to account for what I did; for what I said? Michelle wasn't a bad person… and I doubted her. I yelled at her, called her a traitor.

How do I show my face to her sister? How do I face Ziva, and McGee, and everyone else who at least granted her the benefit of the doubt? I can barely stand to see that small mahogany box being lowered into the ground.

Maybe if I'd have shown her some compassion and understanding, maybe then it would be different… maybe we could've found another way to get Amanda, and Michelle would be still alive to raise her.

What if we'd have given Abby more time, she'd have found out that that bastard was lying about his wife… and we could've gotten him before… well, before.

The team's supposed to go to the pub after the ceremony, we're supposed to put her picture on the wall with all our other fallen brothers and sisters, but how can I go, when I know that I didn't help her? She needed us. She needed her team, and while the others tried to help, I shunned her. I threw her out like a dog, and now she's dead… and it's my fault.

I can see it in her eyes, Ziva blames me. I won't get around to the pub, I can't face more accusing eyes anyway.

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Gibbs' POV

Another one in the ground. Why'd it have to be her? She was young, beautiful, and a parent. She was right, I couldn't argue… I would've done the same for my little girl. But why didn't she come to me? I would have helped her, and then I wouldn't have to tell a little girl that her big sis is dead!

I hate having to face my team, and their starring, guilt filled eyes. I have to be the strong one, the one who can stand stone-faced here, and be the soft shoulder too. I worry about them; right now they need each other. WE, need each other.

Tony takes it hard, but he'll learn in time that things just happen, and that he couldn't do anything to change them. He stays every time we lose someone, he'll be here long after everyone else leaves, just like the last time.

I've got to take Abby; she's too upset to drive herself. And McGee, he's eerily quiet… not his usual quietness; his eyes are quiet, sunk in. He's been crying, but he's trying to be strong for the team. And Ziva, well, she'll find a way past it. She and DiNozzo will help each other through this, which will need to be addressed later.

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Ziva's POV

I told her I understood, and I did. I knew all too well the sacrifices made for loved ones. Michelle died so her sister could live, and she knew she wouldn't be around to see it.

She asked me if she'd see Amanda again, and I had to tell the truth. I truly wish things would have gone differently, but how could they?

I stare down into the grave, and toss my rose on top. She'll be missed. I force tears from falling before anyone can realize that they're threatening to storm out. I stand arm-in-arm with my partner. I can tell he feels guilty; I can hear it in his voice.

McGee has been crying, he knows this situation too well for such a good-hearted, innocent guy.

Tony says he'll meet up with us at the pub later, but I'm not going to leave him alone right now. I'll wait with him… it's what he needs.

We back away from the grave and let the others pay their respects, but I don't leave Tony's side, and soon McGee joins the two of us. Gibbs guides Abby, who's still crying over to us, and McGee wraps her in a hug. She cries on his shoulder, and still holds Gibbs' hand. Everybody's long gone, but we're still here. We all have our reasons; we stand here for hours; a team, a family, a bond.

Next to my real family I stand, and finally I don't stop the tears. I let them flow with life for our fallen sister, who died to save her own. On either side of me, there are also tears in free-fall, and they strengthen our binds. We'll all show up again on Monday, and be ready to fight for what Michelle died for: family.

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**A/N 2:** So, how'd I do? Oh, and I just realized that if you combine last week's title with tonight's, you get: "Cloak and Dagger" (Like the old, secret warfare).


End file.
